Looking for
by AngryHero42
Summary: After squad ten's lieutenant gets promoted to Captain seat in another squad, Captain Hitsugaya most promote a new officer to work beside him. Shiro Ogino is a young boy who is full with talents that may seem enough to fill this empty spot, but there is more in this boy that gets Hitsugaya to wonder more and more about him. In the end, there are just truths that are hard to confess.
1. Promises

**Greetings! Welcome to yet another one of my stories. I hope you enjoy reading. This story also contains OCs so I hope you like them as well.**

**Declaimer: I don't own Bleach or any of it's characters (only my OCs)**

Looking for… **Promises**

'_Neither of their bodies would move. His seemed dead, but there was still life beating in him. His body faced down, staining the ground with his blood, even so his teary eyes still glisten facing the only reason he survived the attack. Her wound was smaller than his but much more severe. Such it was, that the boy didn't even noticed the chain that hanged from her chest. He tried calling out at her. But not by her name, but as he always use to call her._

_"M-…" his trembling voice cut through the sound of his call. He tried again firmly. "Mom…"_

_ It almost seemed as if she hadn't hear him, but he saw her eyes struggling to open, yet still the boy didn't knew if it was alright to be crying to see her "alive"._

_"Sh-Shi…" her voice recalled._

_"Mom…" the boy tried to reach out his hand to find hers, but his body betrayed him and all he could do was close it in a fist to endure his pain. At least the only fist that still remained in his body._

_"Shiro…" she called out his name._

_"Yes, I'm here…" his tears streamed down._

_"Are you… alright?" she worriedly asked him._

_"… No… I'm not." He honestly replied to her._

_"Why… what is it?"_

_"I… can't feel my right arm." Her breath was cut through, almost bursting to tears, but she hold them back, just to try and tell her son everything was going to be alright. But she gave up knowing that it was too late to even burn another lie on him._

_"Mom…" he called out to her once more. "I'm scared."_

_Her heart, almost shattered into pieces, couldn't take on much longer to see him in pain. She shut her eyes to hold back tears._

_"I'm scared too." She tried to show him a smile, but he could see through her intentions and tear up even more._

_For a while she left her tears go._

_"Please, mom… don't blame dad for this." he said avoiding her stare._

_Confused of what her son tried to say she searched for his eyes._

_"N-No… what makes you think I would ever blame him for this? I would never do something like that."_

_"But you're always mad with him. You don't even like it when I ask you about him."_

_"That's not true, honey. I still love him so much… and I wanted you to love him as much as I did. But it was so hard on me to never see him. I knew you were suffering too, so I wanted to make you happy and I tried to hide that away from you. I'm so sorry." Her eyes didn't hold back this time._

_"But I was happy, even if he wasn't there, I wanted you to tell me even more about him. I wanted to think for once that I had a dad." She kept crying and sobbing barely hearing her son's words, but once she calmed back down, she looked directly into his eyes._

_"Shiro… promise me you'll love him no matter what." With deeply frowned eyes, the boy nodded. "… Promise me… you'll find him and tell him." tears continue to stream down the boy's face as he heard his mother's trembling voice._

_"I promise." He replied._

_"… Please… remember to tell him… that Karin Kurosaki loved him very much." She chuckled and smiled to see she had won a smile out of her son's face._

_"I will, mom… I promise."_

**First chapter is always the shortest but let me know if you're liking it! See ya next chapter!**


	2. The only one

**Second chapter's here just like I promised! Thank you soo much for such lovely reviews! Lovely messages like does are the ones that keep me writing. I hope you enjoy reading! **

**Declaimer: I don't own Bleach or any of it's characters (only my OCs) **

Looking for… **The only one**

22 months later

_'It's been long, but a long worth living for. I've been dreaming of today for some time and I don't want to see illusions anymore. I'm not scared anymore either, at least not right now. But I am nervous. I don't need to question you again. For the first time, I'll feel what you felt and hear with my own ears. I won't even hesitate on believing it for another second. I've finally come this far to see it, but what will happen then? Will he recognize it in me as well? No. I don't want to ask you anymore. I want to see it with my own eyes for now on.'_

It was still early on the afternoon and squad ten's barracks were calmed compared to the last few weeks. It'd been over a month that the squad was running without a lieutenant. Its previous one had received a promotion to a higher seat as Captain of squad three and she had been there ever since. Squad ten's lieutenant seat has been empty for the time, and because of this matter, the squad's most skilled officers have been busier than ever, trying to impress their Captain to obtain the open seat. But this was no easy goal to reach. There were few who deserved this seat more than other.

Hard working and compromised officers from squad ten who dedicated their time and effort on the squad and made it their priority were the only ones who could ever obtain this seat. At least this was what their third seat Hiromu Ariwa thought of this matter.

A full dedicated man trying to reach his final goal on becoming the squad's next lieutenant. The Captain was well aware that Ariwa was the only one who could actually take the duty as lieutenant, but there were complications in the Captain's head that were stopping him from doing it. And so, the squad had been stuck with an indecisive Captain, an empty lieutenant seat and an impatient third seat waiting for a promotion. Nothing Shiro could have ever imagine.

The silver haired child anxiously looked all over the barracks for that only door that seemed almost impossible to find through the squad's commotion. He wouldn't even dare get closer to any of the other officers from the squad to ask for directions and not been taken seriously in the process. It was true that he seemed to be a little to young for a Soul Reaper, but Shiro couldn't even get what that even had to do with finding the Captain's office.

His quest seemed endless just by the look of the infinite hallways that he still had to go through. He started to think he wasn't going to get anywhere if he didn't tried asking another squad member. After short minutes, the boy decided to give up and find an officer he could actually rely to.

He decided to ask the first Soul Reaper he could spot, and so it happened that this Soul Reaper, with a very serious aspect, wearing glasses with paper and files at hand, seemed to look very reliable. At least more than the others.

Shiro quickly hurried to the man since it appeared he was in a hurry.  
"Am... excuse me, sir?" he called out from behind him. The man slowed his pace before spinning his head in response of who requested him.

The man frowned. "Yes, can I help you?"

"Yes! I've kind of been trying to find someone who can help with directions. Would you happen to know how to get around?"

Supposing that would have been the case, the man decided to help the strange boy. "So it would seem, yes."

"Really? That's great!" Shiro's heart rose in excitement while the man started down at his unnecessary reaction. "Would you happen to know where Captain Hitsugaya's office might be?"

The man's brows rose.

"What business awaits you there?" he suspiciously ask.

"Huh?...Am, well you see I ...can't exactly tell you, but... oh! Yes! I'm a new transfer officer. And I was suppose to meet up with the Captain today."

"Transfer?" he repeated.

"That's right!"  
"I never heard they were going to transfer anyone into the squad. Which squad are you from?"

"I-I'm... from squad 3." all the questions only made Shiro feel even more nervous.

"With Captain Matsumoto?"

"Yes! Oh, I almost forgot..." Shiro searched inside his shuhakusho and got out a sealed card for him to see."She wrote this herself and told me to give it to him personally."

He observe the card in Shiro's hand and saw that it was surtenly addressed to Captain Hitsugaya, but he couldn't help thinking it all seemed like a joke to him. Even so, that card seemed like serious matter so he decided to go along with it since the boy had to deliver the card himself.

"Very well." he turned back around. "If you may follow me."  
I smile was drawn in Shiro."Thank you so much, sir!" he bowed down to him.

"You may call me third seat Ariwa."

"Yes, sir!" he happily replied and followed Ariwa from behind.

The office wasn't much furter from where there were, even so, Shiro knew he would have never found his way if it wasn't for Ariwa. Before opening the door leading to the Captain's office, Ariwa looked back at Shiro. "Please wait here for a second." he kindly ask him and Shiro couldn't do any more than to nod in approval.

Ariwa slid open the paper door quickly closed it behind him without even letting him see what awaited him at the other side. His hand trembled just by the thought of it, and his heart rose it's speed. After all those years of endless training and recovery, he wasn't ready. He had left behind so many things for that moment, he never thought he was going to finally face it. He felt weak to ever think he was going to give up half way there, but there was something that kept him going, and that was his promise. The promise he made to her that night. He had to keep it, or else, he could never face her. So, he could never turn away. He had to face him and get it all over with. Or at least try.

...

"Good day, sir" Ariwa greeted the Captain who sat behind his desk.

"You're back too quickly." he replied without glaring up at him. Ariwa stood next to his Captain's desk to glare at the appers he attended. It seemed he was still reading those reports.

"I've got what you asked for, sir." he handed out his files ot Hitsugaya who let go of his work to grab Ariwa's papers. He slightly looked over them before placing them on his desk, next to the other piles of documents.

"You didn't have to bring them right away, Ariwa." said Hitsugaya remembering he had just ask for him to bring him the papers that same morning.  
"My apologies, sir. I had enough free time and decided to do you this favor."

"I understand. But please focus on your work as a third seat and not anything else. Remember last time you missed a warm up section and I had to call in another officer to substitute you."

"Please understand, sir, that I only do this due to the lieutenant's absence." he fixed his glasses.

Hitsugaya let go of his work. "But you're not a lieutenant, you're a third seat and I want you to be a third seat for the time being. I can do must of this things by myself, or at least until a new lieutenant is promoted."

Ariwa rose a brow. "Haven't you decided yet from the candidates?"  
Hitsugaya sighed, he didn't like the pressure Ariwa put in him. He knew he was desperate to hear him call his name, but the truth was, he didn't actually like to deal with such matters when he was so worked up at such time.

"I heard the Captain General it's looking forward your decision."  
"Then he'll have it when I make a choice, but for now, that matter is none of your concern."

There was silence between the two Soul Reapers before Ariwa was able to speck up. "Understood sir, please excuse me." he bowed down and proceed to leave the office, frustrated once more for his failed attempt. And so, he remembered. _'That's right, that kid is still there.'_ glaring back at his Captain, who had gotten back to his papers, he tried to remember if he had ever mention anything about the new transfer, but nothing came to mind. He couldn't help feel strange for the situation. _'Would Captain Matsumoto be sending a transfer to fit the lieutenant's seat?'_

Ariwa turned back to his Captain."Sir, I almost forgot..." Hitsugaya raised his head."There is someone here to see you."

Ariwa slid open the door finding a solitary Shiro starring down at his feet and rising his head in surprise for his sudden appearance. He felt his heart burst out of his chest; after all, he wasn't ready.  
"Come on in." he invited the little frighten Shiro who almost wrinkled his Captains note in his hands. Shiro mutely nod to Ariwa once he finally found the courage to go in.

His first sight of him was his silver hair, just like his. His aqua-green eyes, just as he imagined them and his height... he seemed to be taller than he expected. Shiro could only greet him with a frighten look and Hitsugaya frowned confused to see such strange yet strangely familiar child.

Hitsugaya shoved past all curious thoughts that suddenly drowned his head and spoke up to the little boy. "Yes?"

Frighten to see it was his turn to speak up, he swallowed his insecurity to bring in his valor.  
"C-Captain Hitsugaya...?" he asked

"Yes?" he asked once more to the small officer who seemed to be shaking under his shihakkusho.

His heart over flown with happiness, his eyes widened in amazement and a big smile was drawn upon his face.  
"Oh, thank goodness, it's really you!"

Despite the distance between the Captain's desk and the boy, Hitsugaya was still able to see the tears that flood up in his eyes. '_Is he... crying?'_

"...I-I'm sorry..." Shiro dried his tears in his shihakusho's sleeve."What I meant to say is..." he continued while Ariwa and Hitsugaya covered him in confused stares.

After he was able to calm himself down, Shiro bowed done to begin a proper introduction. "It's a honor to finally meet you, sir."

_'This kid is definitely something new'_ repeated Hitsugaya in his head.

"Please excuse me sir, but Captain Matsumoto wanted me to deliver this here." Shiro showed him the note in his hand, leaving all childish emotions behind. "She apologizes for not being able to come. We hope you excuse us. She wrote this letter explaining herself for any inconvenience."

Hitsugaya glares at Ariwa, but before he could even ask him to, Ariwa already grabbed the letter from the boy's hand and handed it over to his Captain by his desk. Hitsugaya cautetiously opened the letter and red though it quickly. Just by it's first glance, he could easily read it was indeed from Matsumoto due to the exagerated amount of embarrasing hearts and 'xo's all over. There were other papers behind Matsumoto's letter he seemed to recognize as a profile.

"Ogino... Shiro?" he read out loud.  
"Yes." he firmly replied.  
"So, you're the new transfer?"

"That's right, sir."

Ariwa glares at the boy curiously. Just as he expected, he had competition.  
"So, Captain Matsumoto had to move her apointments?" asks Hitsugaya.  
"That's right. We hope it's not trouble for you."

It's almost seemed funny to Hitsugaya hearing that his once lazy ass lieutenant was actually taking responsibilities as a Captain, yet still, he decided not to question her autority. He knew very well how hard she'd work for that place.  
"No trouble at all. You are more than welcome, officer Ogino."

Shiro, startled to have received a kind smile from his new Captain, nervously bowed once again.  
"Thank you so much, sir!"

The Captain stood from his desk. "As you well know, I'm Captain Toshiro Hitsugaya and this..." he pointed out to Ariwa, who stood by his desk. "it's third seat Hiromu Ariwa." he made a small reverence for greeting even if his eyes didn't intended to. "For the time being, the squad it's running without a lieutenant do to circumstances you already know and I suppose it's one of the main reasons of your transferation."

"Y-Yes!" he staumerd.

Ariwa made no sound in his corner, trying to read the papers that lied in his Captain's desk without bringing much attention, but he seemed unable to see the papers clearly. _'I knew I should have checked that note earlier.'_ were his thoughts of regret.

Hitsugaya picked the papers up and studied them some more.  
"I've already read your files a while back and... I can tell, you are very skilled and determined in your work."

Shiro's cheeks burned in blush. Being complimented by his Captain wasn't something he expected to happend on his first day.  
"T-Thank you."

"I mean it. Perfects scores in both kido and zanpaku-to studies with only a single year in the academy? It's almost impossible to believe officers as young as yourself could succeed that. If I knew better, I think Captain Matsumoto just gave away one of her best officers."

Shiro chuckled nervously while he scratched the back of his head. "Yeah well, she said something similar right after I told her I wanted to come here."

Hitsugaya stared at the boy, thoughts flying with curiosity."Why did you want to come here?"

Shiro froze. He hadn't put much thought into what he was suppose to do up in that point. Shiro became afraid, knowing that if he said anything, everything could go wrong and all his effort to get there would become a vain intention. He couldn't possibly tell him the truth. He clutch his fist when he remembered they weren't alone. Ariwa was also there. If something slipped out of him, he could be in big trouble.

_'Mom... I'm sorry'_

"Amm... I guess... I have always wanted to meet you, sir! You've been of such great inspiration to me! You have no idea how much I've been waiting for this day to come!" Shiro had never lied before, nor did he liked to. Only the thought of his words not being completely false was the thing that truly let him smile.

Hitsugaya rose a brow.  
"...Well, Matsumoto surtainly never mentioned you were so thrilled about joining the squad."

"...Amm... That's not exactly the kind of thing you mention to your own Captain."

Hitsuagaya chuckled to his comment.  
"That's probably true."

Shiro tried to reply a smile to his Captain, but his accomplishment wasn't satisfactory, in result, a weak smile was all that came out him.

Ariwa cleared his throat to call out to his Captain.  
"Sir, you still have an appointment to assist to."

"Right. I almost forgot. I should get back to work..." Hitsugaya paused to look at the boy one last time before taking his things and heading to the door.

"It was nice to have you into the squad, Ogino Shiro."

The boy felt uneasy to return a 'thank you' and he simply nodded.

"Ariwa, why don't you show Ogino around the squad? I'm sure he'll want to get to know the place better."

"Yes, sir."

Hitsugaya walked to the door, leaving the two officers back and before he walked out the door, he turned back at Shiro. "I hope you feel welcome."

He left the office, leaving Shiro full of regret.

Ariwa walked out the door as well and seeing him leave so suddenly, Shiro followed him from behind.  
"A-Ariwa, aren't you going to show me around?"

Turning his head back at the boy he coldly glared down at the boy.  
"I'm afraid I have business of my own that I have to take care of. Perhaps some other time." Ariwa walked away without another word.

A very disappointed Shiro was left behind. Leaning against a wall he hold his chest felling his heart still beating at full speed.  
"How could I...?" he asked to himself holding back tears.

He still had a long way to go. His opportunities were endless. He only needed to look for the right chance. When the time came. He hadn't gave up just yet. He still couldn't expect less than what he just witnessed. For once in his life, he was glad he lied. He never expect he recognize him as soon as he saw him. But at least notice anything in him, would surely give him the slightest sign of hope. But of course, there was no way he could ever remember a stranger.

**Thank you for reading! I hope you liked! Let me know what you think about it! see ya next chap!**


	3. Rivals

**Hey there! New chapter here! Once again, thank you for the reviews! I hope you enjoy this one as well! This is a short one... I don't even know why I took so long to finish it. I still hope you like it! So read ahead!**

**Declaimer: I don't own Bleach or any of it's characters, except my OCs**

Looking for... **Rivals**

_'I had no choice. This is even harder than what I expected it to be. Suddenly my valor and courage had disappeared. Everything that I once thought I was capable of doing slipped out of my hands. Was it my fear what blinded me? Was I really that scared to fail you? I'll keep trying. I'll keep fighting, but I need you to wait for me a bit longer. Please, wait for me.'_

That morning, squad ten began with routine exercises, as any other morning. A small sparing section was being held by the fourth seat since the third seat had to excuse himself from duty once again. Hitsugaya was staking a small morning stroll around the squad when he saw it. It was only mare glimpse he witness, but it was enough to catch his attention quickly.

Apparently, some squad members had asked Shiro to duel with them in order to test his skill. Rumors of the boy genius were already starting to run through the squad and not a single Soul Reaper decided to believe in them. They were all proven wrong when the three men that challenged the boy lay on ground in surrender while he still stood without a scratch to show. There was no doubt, the boy was truly remarkable. Even for their Captain's eyes, he poses great strength and knowledge. Enough to be seat next to a Captain.

Ariwa had been walking beside Hitsugaya the whole time, only talking about their work and meetings he had to assist to with other Captains, little did he knew his Captain wasn't even paying attention to any of his words. He was already busy witnessing how the other officers complimented Shiro with small applause.

Ariwa suddenly turned to face his Captain, just to notice he had been talking to himself all along.

"Captain Hitsugaya?" he called out to him. Hitsugaya snap out of deep thought and kept walking along with the third seat.

This behavior it's what brought Ariwa to become more and more concerned about him. At times, Hitsugaya greeted Shiro whit a friendly smile, something not even him had expected possible for his strong and strict Captain. Other times he would find Shiro asking about where he was. He always lied, of course. Keeping him away from the Captain was the only alternative he had left. At least until his Captain made a final decision to promote him as the new lieutenant. He had no doubt, that if he wanted the seat, he had to clear his way up. A stranger like Shiro was not going to take this opportunity away from him. Not when he was so close to finally win.

But Ariwa had no idea of what traveled through his Captain's mind.

Hitsugaya would just merely glare at the boy, and a strange memory that he couldn't even see would appear in his head. By time, he tried convincing himself it was the stress and seeing someone as joyful as Shiro would only calm him down, but he knew there was more to know about him. He sometimes thought it could be his eyes what gave him such strange feeling; innocent gray and shadowy pearls, that hid a visible sparkle beneath them, or perhaps his confidence. Maybe he liked his company. Like when Matsumoto was still with him. She was at points annoying and very irresponsible, but he never thought she was a waste. Shiro was similar in a way. He barely knew him, but he also wanted to. Maybe he didn't even had to think it over so much. Maybe what he looked for was right in front of him.

... 

"Don't you get day's off, sir?"  
"I haven't had any in a long while."  
"Doesn't the Head Captain get worried if you work too much?"  
"He probably thinks I'm the only one that works. What about Captain Matsumoto, does she get a lot of work too?"  
"She does, but lieutenant Kira and I always helped her out at times, specially because she takes a lot of naps."

Both Soul Reapers laughter was heard right out the office's door, warning the coming Soul Reaper his Captain wasn't alone. He quickly opened the sliding door, and to his surprise, he found what he mostly feared of.

Both Soul Reapers turned to greet the new spiritual pressure in the room."Ariwa, finished your inform already?" asked Hitsugaya.

Ariwa stared at the smiling boy who sat at the sofa that lied in the middle of the room. "Yes, sir. I came to hand it in."  
Ariwa walked across the room, trying to avoid the child's eyes. Once he handed in his papers, he knew he couldn't just leave his Captain with the boy. He had to at least try to get rid of him or perhaps ask his Captain for any favors before he left, at least to show the boy his priority was in his work.

"Am... sir, do you want me to deliver does papers you were going to give to Captain Kyoraku?"Ariwa asked him.  
"No need to. Ogino already helped me with that. You're dismissed for the day. Thank you for your work." Ariwa was left perplexed by his Captain's response.

Him? Beaten by a kid? How did it happen? Considering all the effort he had put into his job, why would his work would suddenly not seem enough? Why would he still be so jealous of a kid who actually made his Captain smile when he still could do such much more than him. How could that kid even surpass the work he had build up across the years? How could Shiro ever be better than him?

Hitsugaya stood from his desk. "If you excuse me, I have work to do now." He made his way towards the door.

"Have a nice day, sir!" Shiro saw him out while Hitsugaya made a small bow gesture and left. 

Ariwa still made no sound once the Captain was gone. He was silently driven by anger once he saw how the happy little child stood from the sofa and his stare was caught by him.  
"A-Ariwa...? Is something wrong?"

His hands were closed in fists and his anger was released in a sigh.  
"What do you want to know?' he roughly asked back. "What else would you like to do for me?"

Shiro stared at him in surprise. He could easily notice he wasn't in the right mood.  
"...D- Did I do something wrong?"

"Don't act like such a clueless little brat!" he snapped back to him, making him jump back in surprise.

"But I-"  
"Shut up!" he spoke above him. Ariwa turned towards the door, leaving him confused and frozen on ground.

He knew Ariwa had been acting strangely recently, even the Captain had noticed his odd behavior, and Shiro couldn't help feel guilty for it. So if there was really anything wrong with him, he needed to know.

"Did I do something wrong? Did I do something to hurt your feelings? Tell me, please! I don't want any trouble!"

Ariwa stopped in mid step, clenching his fists. "Then why are you even here?"

Shiro was unable to reply.

"Why would you even bother to come into this squad?"

Shiro froze, unable to reply to the third seat, his head faced ground. There was no questioning of why Ariwa was mad at him. There was absolutely no doubt.  
"... I-"

Ariwa had turned back at Shiro and come steps closer to the boy, leaning down to look directly at him with a menacing finger pointing at him in threat.  
"Don't you think I don't know anything about your little act. I don't care of what you're trying to pull off, but this squad doesn't need any midgets such as you, so I recommend you step out of this. You're only a child, how could you even think the Captain will accept you as his lieutenant? There are many other Soul Reapers in this squad who deserve this seat more than you'll ever get the chance to come close to it. So don't try to act so clueless and remember your place. You're nothing more than a pain."

The office door slid open once more, making both Soul Reapers jump in surprise. Ariwa hid his words just in time for him to not notice, but just the look of their frighten expressions gave everything away.

"...Am I interrupting something?" asked Hitsugaya, focusing his sight on Ariwa.

Ariwa swallowed hard, but that wasn't enough to calm his dry throat. "... N-Nothing at all, sir."  
Seeing his Captain made no further sound and still stared at him with frowned eyes, he made his escape.

"Please, excuse me, I was just leaving." he walked out, hiding him self under his long hair fangs, while Hitsugaya followed him with his eyes.

Once gone, he saw Shiro still stud frozen in his spot, his face still showing worry and his eyes beginning to water.  
"Are you all right?" Hitsugaya asked him.

Shiro faced away. "I'm fine. Nothing is wrong."

Hitsugaya didn't believed him for a second, but he decided to not question him again. At least it didn't seemed like the right moment to do so.

"I... have to go." without another word said, Shiro burst out through the door, hiding his shedding tears from him, without success.

Hitsugaya fought back the need to call out to the boy. He couldn't help feel uneasy to just let him go like that. Seeing him such way would only make him pity him. He didn't even had to hear their conversation to know what was going on between them. There was nothing to doubt or question. That kid was certainly something new, that even a skilled, experience Soul Reaper like Ariwa, feared of him. 

**Told you it was a short one. Anyway, let me know what you think! Your opinion is also important! See ya' next chap!**


	4. Answers

**Hey there! It's been a while since I published anything (I was real busy last month). Lucky for you I wrote a new chapter! Please excuse any grammar errors and if you see somethings wrong, you can always message me! I hope you enjoy!**

**Declaimer: I don't own Bleach or any of it's characters, except my OC (Shiro and Ariwa)**

Looking for... **Answers**

**_'_**_Maybe it was a wrong way to do things. I've hurt people I never meant to harm, all because I don't want to give up, but in the end I can't help but wonder if it's even worth the try. I only need a chance that time doesn't want to give me. Or is it me who is asking too much from time? I don't know what to do. Is hiding even going to help me in anything? My path is once again unclear and I can't see you. I need help. I need help like your's, that once again, I can't find.'_

There was a bright full moon on Soul Society sky late that night. The air chilly, but still calming. The night sky's biggest light gave him a warm and comforting feeling, drifting him in deep thought. He was caught in a battle were his only enemy was himself, making his head swirl in complex and worry. Sitting in the tops of one of squad ten's highest building, wrapping his knees with his arms to keep out the chill and resting his weary head in his knees, he tried to forget of all worry that tormented him.

It had been such much time he had wasted, there was no way he could wait any longer, yet still, there was something pushing him back from all, but he couldn't seem to see it clearly yet. Everything was confusing. He couldn't even tell if he was doing things right. He couldn't possibly be more troubled than what he already was.

"It's a bit too late for you to be out here." a new voice startles Shiro, and he raises his head to see him.

"C-Captain! What are you doing here so late?" he asked him as he came in closer to him.  
"I was just about to ask you the same thing."

Shiro lowered his head. "... I was just taking some air."

Hitsugaya, didn't question him any further and instead, he sat down right beside him and joined him. Shiro didn't say a word, but he observed him from the corner of his eyes, watching closely his every move. His nerves tickled him in his stomach, but he was skilled enough to hide it.

"The moon's quit big tonight, isn't it?" Hitsugaya proceeded to start a conversation with him, which only made Shiro feel uneasy.  
Shiro agreed with a silent humid. His words remained stuck in his mouth unable to be spoken.

Hitsugaya glared at him noticing he wore the same worried expression he had from the last time he saw him in his office. His eyes were lost in the dark and his childish and bright smile was nowhere to be seen.

"Do you come here often?" he insisted on making him speak. Shiro, as much as he tried not to, couldn't simply pretend he didn't hear him.

"Just sometimes... It makes me think... the sky, I mean." his anxiousness couldn't let him finish a proper sentence. He cuddled him self tighter by a cold rush of wind, trying to look busy as silence was spread between the two.

It took a while for Hitsugaya to figure out what he could say next, noticing Shiro didn't seemed very comfortable withe their conversation, but as he was about to speak up, Shiro's words were already on top of his.

"It's an old habit..." his words sounded forced. Almost as if there was something holding him back from saying them. "I... come out to watch the stars and... my worries, they disappear." He gazed up to search for them as he spoke hoping and praying to something out there that what he was doing was right. "At least... That's what my mother use to say."

Hitsugaya's brow rose. His curiosity was immediately captured. "Mother?" he couldn't hold back to ask.

Just as he expected, his words couldn't help but make him wonder. He needed to keep it up. Perhaps... this was the right time. The moment he had searched for was right there. How could he ever waste it?

"... Y-Yes... my... mother, she..." he couldn't find the right words to keep going. Improvising wasn't his specialty.

"You have a mother in Rukongai?" asked Hitsugaya.

"... Y-Yes... I do." Shiro froze by the realization of what he had said. His words told no lie, but perhaps Hitsugaya wasn't seeing them in his perspective. The truth could be revealed right there, but there was something pushing him back. He knew he had to do it, that was his goal all along, but was it really what he wanted? Was he ready to tell him? To face his truth? For the consequences? He knew he didn't wanted it to be like that again. He wanted to be happy. He wanted to be there, with him and telling him would only break them apart. But then... how could he ever break his promise?

"I miss her you know..." Toshiro glared at Shiro, who had lowered his head trying to hide it away. "My mother... it's been a while since I last saw her..."  
"Why did you left her?" asked Hitsugaya. His question didn't made Shiro feel calmer but he couldn't blame him for it. He didn't knew after all and that was still his own fault. "Why would you leave your mother to become a Soul Reaper?"

"It's not like I wanted to leave her... it's just that... I had to come here."  
"For what?' Shiro felt his time was coming close just by the atmosphere of their conversation. He clenched his trembling hands in fists, wrinkling his shihakusho. Trying to hold something close to himself as he waited for a burning pain to trespass his skin. Goosebumps ran down his spine. His whole body twitched in a chill. What was wrong with him? Why couldn't he just spit it out?

The words never came to him. They remained in his mouth like a bad taste of medicine. He would try to swallow them away, but he knew he had to confront it. But why? Why then? Why did it had to be then? Why so soon. He had barely gotten to him and he already wanted to risk him self? The thought of suddenly becoming exposed to truth tormented him like a memory he didn't wanted to see. He didn't wanted to go back. Not yet. He still had so many things he wanted to do. So many things still undone. He didn't wanted to return to that nightmare. Not then. Not again.

"My... my mother died some time ago..."  
Hitsugaya remained speechless. He certainly didn't expected it to take such turn. He started to feel pity for him, more than what he already felt. Such a young boy. Why did he had to go through all that suffering? He didn't deserved it, thought Hitsugaya, all this pain and suffering, he never deserved to be treated such way. It was a cruel and cold fate, then again, his case also remembered him of his own cruel and cold fate.

"... She was killed... on a Hollow attack. I had no where else to go... so I ended up coming here for... answers."

Hitsguaya faced ground. His pain for him was unbearable. He couldn't even imagine what Shiro had to go through, but of course he couldn't, this was just a believable lie Shiro told. After all, he wasn't strong enough yet to tell him the truth, but if being a coward would give him more time to be with him, he would accept being a coward, and perhaps the most coward of all.

"My mother...she always knew what to say when i was troubled and she help me get through things quickly. She always stood up for me and never left me behind. She was all that mattered for me, all I cared for. But when I lost her..."

"... I'm very sorry to hear that." said Hitsugaya to the boy, trying to find words of compassion that at the moment, they seemed impossible to find.

"Don't be, sir..." interrupted Shiro, his face had risen from his down cast. "I'm sure I'll see her again some day... I know it." a small grin had grown in him.

Hitsugaya wonder what he actually meant by that. Of course it was impossible to see the people who die in Soul Society again, but he didn't wanted to put Shiro in such doubt. At least only the though of it made him feel happy again.

"I'm sure you will." Shiro's words made him remember something he had promised to someone long ago.

He had spent so much time trying to forget it, after all this time, why would Shiro be the one to remember him about it? How could a child make him remember why he been hating himself for all those years and yet never regret any of it? All of it, drew him under his own shadow. The memories of those words that had pinned him to a wall and sealed him making it impossible to come out without getting even more hurt.

_'I'll see you again', _false words. That was all there was left of it.

"Sir?" Shiro's words snapped Hitsugaya out of his trance. He shook his head and turned away to hide the watery drops that had overflowed out his eyes.  
"Are you alright?" Shiro had noticed them before Hitsugaya could wipe them away.

"I'm fine... Just a bit tired." Hitsugaya stood from his spot to leave, before anything else in him got out of hand. "I'll be leaving now. You should get going too. I'm going to need my lieutenant up early and well rested."

Shiro eyes wide. He turned to search for Hitsugaya to prove of what he had thought he said, but Hitsugaya didn't turned back to face him nor did he said goodnight. Even so, how could he deny it? He had heard him loud and clear.

He had finally reached him. He finally knew he would be by his side. And that was all that mattered. Even so something concerned him deeply. What was it that made him shed tears like that? It wasn't his lies. It wasn't anything he said. He knew there was something else. Something hidden in him that may have revealed to him again. Perhaps something that tormented him. Something he hadn't seen up until now. It didn't matter what it was, something seemed to may have broken loose. But it didn't matter, the way he saw it, Shiro finally understood he wasn't the only one keeping secrets.

...

It may have been the middle of the night, under that chilled dark sky, but Hiromu Ariwa had made his own way into Squad ten's library. The place remained almost deserted at that time in the night, and that only made it easier for Ariwa to accomplish the purpose of his visit. He walked around the library without bringing much attention to the guards at the main counter. He had search the dark library to find the section he looked for. It wasn't easy to roam through such place in the dark lighted by a single lamp in each corner and find exactly what he searched for. The Soul Reaper Academy profile section.

He looked at the most resent files they had and probably the only ones that still weren't cover in dust. All students with the same vocals were divided in books. He looked thought them carefully until he finally found what he needed. Ogino Shiro's profile page. Finally finding his success, he sat down underneath a lamp by the book shells and read it all away. After reading each word in detail, he snapped shut the book and let it rest in his lap. It had been almost a hour he had been there. A Soul Reaper or two may have passed by, but made no matter to him. He was able to regain everything he looked for. All he needed to know. All the proof he needed lied in that same book. A grin was drawn in his face, knowing now was going to be chance to prove that kid wrong and unmask him from his lies. For good.

**End of chapter 4! The story is advancing real quickly! We'll be seeing secrets revealing real soon! Let me know what you think about the chapter! Any thoughts or suggestions you would like to give me, I am always open for opinions. Please wait patiently for the next chapter. I'll see you there!**


	5. Reflections

**Hey guys! Chapter 5 here! I was excited to write this one, guess that's why I finished it so quickly. I hope you like it. Please excuse me of any grammar errors. Enjoy!**

**Declaimer: I don't own Bleach or any of it's characters (only my OCs) **

Looking for... **Reflections**

_'I can't see my reasons. I've lost all of it. All I wanted was to stay just a little longer, before I had to go back to reality, but living in a illusion is not living at all. What should I do now? No. Why am I asking you? How could I ever ask you? You've told me from the start what I had to do. I was the one that failed you. I am the one who keeps stumbling. I can't put my self together to look at you... then again, when I'm by his side, my worries are not there anymore. I've discovered that in him. It's almost as if you're there. I can almost feel you again. I can almost feel your warmth. How could I ever run away from this feeling? I want to be like this again. Every day. Like it was suppose to be. I've done wrong to you, I know, but how could I ever run back to before when I'm so close to you.'_

"Congratulations, lieutenant Ogino. Welcome to the second seat rank!" Early that morning, Lieutenant Kira and Lieutenant Hinamori have greeted Shiro into his new post, giving him his lieutenant badge as new part of his uniform. The emblem that marked he was officially one of the most high ranked officers in Seireitei. It almost seemed unbelievable to think things had come by so quickly. The news of his promotion had just gotten to him the night before, but even if it was his Captain who informed him, his words sound like he had heard them in a dream.

It became hard for Shiro to finally let it sink down to him. He observed the lieutenant's badge in his hands for several minutes. It was the same badge his old Captain, Captain Matsumoto, had wore when she served the squad by Hitsugaya's side.

He couldn't help feeling a bit nervous walking around in the squad, being greeted by everyone that once doubted him and mocked him for being just a kid, now treated him with such respect; even in the 'Good mornings' they gave him, they sound ashamed to be now seeing what was the closest person to the Captain and, not to mention, their superior.

He was on his way to meet his Captain in his office, after his official naming as his new lieutenant. He had been quiet nervous before when he barely woke up, but now, he walked with confidence only trying to see the good side of things. He had have enough with the bad ones already.

The night before, he had once again failed to tell Hitsugaya the truth and ended up making everything more difficult to him self. Just some days ago, he may have thought he had to tell him quickly before things got out of hand and someone may found him first, but now, things were totally out of his control now that he was promoted to lieutenant. Of course he wanted the seat. It was the only way to gain trust on Hitsugaya and be by his side, but then again, which would be the consequences of becoming the squad's new lieutenant? This were many things that never passed through his head and now it was already too late to think it over twice. How would he ever get out of this one?

...

Shiro was facing his Captain's office door when he heard loud voices from the inside. He stopped half way to open it when he noticed one of the voices was Ariwa's. A worry drowned him. The last time he faced Ariwa, their conversation had turned into an discussion that ashamed him deeply. He couldn't possibly let him see him now. He was afraid he would only make things worst with his own presence.

The door was mid opened and Shiro could see to the inside from a small opening. It seemed that Ariwa was rampaging about something with Hitsuagya. He could clearly hear what they were saying.

"Please, sir! You must believe me! As insignificant as it is, their is still a large different that is hard to mistake." said Ariwa, his words trying to imply innocence.

"I wont discuss this with you anymore. I've made my self clear. You return those files to the library immediately. You've not only disrespected Ogino, but my self included. I've made my decision and their is nothing else to discuss about it. Return to your work at once." Shiro sighed by the sound of his name. Why did things always had to go this way?

"But, sir..."  
"Go back to work, third seat!" Hitsugaya snaps back to him, making Shiro jump back in surprise.

He sees Ariwa stands still solid at ground, and with a quick spin, he turns towards the door. Shiro quickly steps away from the door and looks around the hallway to find a spot to hide from them so once Ariwa exists the office and shuts the door harshly behind him, he never notices Shiro near by the next corridor.

...

Ariwa, walks out the squad barracks, his hand harshly crushing it self by the strength of his fist. He got to a lonely ally, where he finally breaks loose and tosses his fist against the wall, opening a deep wound to himself, which only made him feel even more frustrated. His fist only wanted to crush the wall into dust. He ground his teeth to overcome the urge. His hand trembled, but he was able to numb his fist and lower his hand. He stumbled and rested his back against the wall. He brushed back his hair, his forehead showered on sweat. He tried to regain his composure.

A loud sigh was enough to bring him back to his feet, but then the sighs turned to constant heavy breathing that broke his calmness. That breathing wasn't his. He nervously looked all around him and seeing he was completely alone only startled him even more.

"Who's there?" he called out loud. He was responded back by a low growl that brushed the air.

He looked all over the place, turning over his back each time he felt the voice breath in his ear, but he saw nothing nor no one.

"Who's there!?" He repeated, his voice raising.

There was a small force of spiritual pressure behind him that paralyzed him. There was something behind him, he could now sense it. He felt it's breath run through his back and the craving for blood from his scent.

"I can smell your desire for vengeance from anywhere." It finally spoke to him. From the depth of his voice, Ariwa knew exactly what tormented him.

"What is a creature like you doing here?" he threaten him back, showing no fear in his voice even if he couldn't face his foe.

"Oh yes, you crave for revenge. I can sense the fury in your voice. Don't be afraid, I happen to be in the same situation."

"I'm doing no such thing."

"You are wrong, my friend, I can see it clearly in your head. The hate that it's stored in you it's the same hate we share."

Ariwa was not holding his zanpaku-to near by, his only chance was to rely on his kido attacks or passing by officer that may notice them, but he knew the creature was hiding his spiritual pressure, which could only be sensed from less than a feet away. How could a creature like that posses such power? Could he posses an ability to control it? It wouldn't be too smart to attack without knowing how strong his opponent may be.

"You're not thinking of attacking me, aren't you? Yes, I can read it clearly. I wouldn't recommend you waist your strength on something so useless. Besides, I came here to help you. And you clearly know, you need my help."

...

Shiro opened Hitsugaya's office door still with a lost gaze at the ground. Their conversation still ringing in his ears. It made him dizzy of worry. Shiro finally gazed up at his Captain to find he had noticed his entry. He looked worriedly at the child. He knew something was wrong just by the look of him. But Shiro didn't wanted to worry him; he didn't wanted to let him know he had heard them. He only needed to show his gratitude to him for the moment. He took a deep breath and released his worries with a sigh. He built up the straight instantly to raise his head and show his security to his Captain.

Hitsugaya noticed his great attempt and by the sight of the lieutenant badge he wore in his left arm, a sympathetic smile grew out of him, providing Shiro the push he needed to smile as well.

"Good Morning, lieutenant Ogino." he greet him.

"Good Morning, Captain." he replied. The both chuckled at the sound of their formality, knowing that, from that point on, they would serve on each other's side.

"How was your night, sir?" Shiro asked politely.

"It was good. Thanks for asking. How about you? Did you got lost of rest?"  
"I could barely sleep from the news!"

Hitsugaya chuckled it would have probably been a bad idea to have told him on the night.

"I kept thinking all night about what was going to happen in the morning. I didn't knew they would be this quick."

"I'd had it planned for some days so the process wouldn't take too long. We have a lot of work ahead of us and I hope you're ready to get started."

"Anything you need from me, I'll make sure to help you anyway possible, sir!"  
Hitsugaya smiled. He was happy to see his spirits were back up as they should be.

"I'm sure you will." Hitsugaya sat down at his desk and Shiro did the same and sat at the sofa. Smiling once again, he had almost forgotten how comfortable his office was. So quiet and peaceful. He like it just like that. The two of them and nothing to worry about.

"Hey, sir... can I ask you something?"

"Yes...?"

"When you came up to me last night, were you going to tell me something... other than my promotion, I mean."  
Hitsugaya stroke his chin pensively.

"... Well, I went to see you because I was worried about you. You didn't looked very well yesterday. I suggested something happened."

"Oh... well, yes. About that..." Shiro scratched the back of his head nervously.

"Is it about Ariwa?" asked Hitsugaya straight forwardly.

Shiro hesitated on answering. He didn't wanted any trouble for anyone, but nothing could escape Hitsugaya.

"...Yeah. But is really not much trouble. I-It's just a miss understanding!" Shiro tried to smile for his Captain to not worry, but Hitsugaya looked very concerned about it.

Hitsugaya sigh." Ogino, listen..." he lowered his voice for only Shiro to hear."Ariwa can sometimes be very rough if he doesn't get what he wants and that shouldn't bring you down." Hitsugaya slid a book closer to the edge of his desk for Shiro to see. "You see this?"

Shiro noded.

"Do you know what it is?"

"...No."

"This is a Profile list of the resent graduates from Soul Reaper academy. _You_ are in this list."

Shiro gasped under his breath. He knew what it was. He knew what it meant now. It was trouble.

"...W-Why do you...?'

"Ariwa brought it to me this morning."

Why? Why would Ariwa do such a thing? Why would he try so hard to crush him? He only wanted to do what was right. But why would Ariwa be trying so hard to push him out of the way?

"If you're wondering if I've read it, then I would say no."

Shiro sighed. His heart slowing down little by little.

"He wanted me to read it. I'm guessing he wanted me to see something you yourself haven't told us yet."

So he knew... or perhaps suspected him. After he tried so had to be as careful as he could, Ariwa still had to found something to bring him down. Their is always something left behind. Shiro couldn't tell himself what may have been, but he knew it couldn't be good. And now, his Captain will see it as well.

Hitsugaya pushed the book aside and hid it in his desk cabinet.

"But I wont read it." Hitsuguaya laid back on his chair with arms crossed. "If you don't want to tell us everything about you then I respect that and I don't use it against you. It could be that you think we're not ready to hear it or that it's none of our business. It doesn't matter what it is; I don't want to know."

Shiro said nothing to him. Nothing would ever come out of his mouth at the moment that would help cease his wound. He couldn't admit it was true, put staying quiet would only be the same as trying to deny it.

"Whatever it says, I'm sure you have your reasons. We all have things to hide anyway." Shiro could have sworn Hitsugaya wasn't think about him anymore. He wasn't trying to protect him. It was nothing like that. He wasn't talking about him anymore. It was almost as if he was talking about himself. Surely, there was a reason why he didn't wanted to try to look at his file, but, somewhere deep down, he could actually be restraining himself from doing it. Ariwa could have already told him without even looking at the file so why was he still pretending? What was it that made him protect him from Ariwa's urge of uncovering him?

Hitsugaya drank from his tea and gazing up at the clock that hanged in the wall, he made a quick last sip and put it back down to stand from his chair.

"I'm running a bit late. I have a Captain's meeting now. You can start taking care of the reports that are still pending while I'm gone." he made his way to the exit while Shiro still sat silent in the sofa.

He looked back at Shiro before leaving. He remained speechless and he never looked back at him for a last 'good bye'. He resolved that maybe the situatin was a bit more complicated than expected. Excusing him self, Hitsugaya closed the door behind him.

It took a while for Shiro to finally come to his senses and stand from the sofa. He walked towards his Captain's desk and one by one opened the cabinets to find the book he had showed him earlier. Once in his hands he lied it on the desk and opened. He searched around it's pages and stop by the sight of his picture. He remembered very well the day it was taken. It had almost been two years since then. He could see his emotionless self and his eyes that shared no light. He almost didn't recognize his own face. Just the look of himself from back then hurt him like a dagger. He read on ahead.

He couldn't even remember saying most of the things written there about himself. Most of them, he had to come up with when they asked him, but he never made sure to remember them later on. He had probably been careless and said something completely different from what it originally was. Maybe Ariwa already knew they were all lies. He passed the page and find a long document written on the next one.

It only took him a couple of lines to recognize what it was. It was a report on him involving several _incidents_ he though he had left behind unnoticed, but of course, how could he doubt they'd ever forgotten about it? This could be it, he though, this is probably what's making Ariwa suspect of him. Who knows what could happen if Hitsugaya finds out about it?

No, this was not suppose to happen like that. He wasn't suppose to figure it out. He needed to tell him him self, before he found out. Our else, he'll be breaking the promise he made to her. Or else... he would have disappointed her.

He closed the book and hid it inside his Shihakkusho. He had made up his mind. He had to tell him now or never. But first he needed to find Ariwa before he beat him to it. Or else, he would have been too late.

...

Hitsugaya seemed strange to not see any Captains in his way to the meeting or anywhere near Squad one's meeting hall. He hoped he wasn't _that_ late. He expected to see all eyes on him once the hall door's opened, but to his surprise, the hall was empty still. Perhaps I'm too early, he though. But at the end of the hall, he saw Captain Yamamoto standing at his natural spot as if the meeting were in session. He walked inside, eyes narrowed by the sight of things. He bowed to the General Captain as he greeted him.

"Thank you for coming Captain Hitsugaya."

"Captain Yamamoto..."

"You maybe asking your self what is the reason of this meeting."

"That is right, sir. I had been informed I was supposed to attend a Captain's meeting. Perhaps I got the wrong notice."

"You are wrong. My original orders were to summon you for a Captain's meeting, but the other Captains wont be joining us today. You see Captain Histugaya, I have received important news from Central 46 regarding you."

Hitsugaya sighed. This atmosphere gave him a bad taste of things. What could the Central want now? What else could the Central want with him? What else would they want to take away from him now? Didn't they already had too much fun with him all this passed years?

"I've received noticed of the situation that took place thirteen years ago, in which you were involved."

Toshiro said nothing in response. He only wanted to get over with it and leave as quickly as possible. Why was he been forced to remember about it so much lately? He didn't wanted to do anything with it anymore, but why would they be forcing him to remember?

"Central 46 had received a note several months ago from many Captains of the Court Guard Squads, including my self, regarding the situation. They didn't replied up until now."

Hitsugaya was still very confused of where things were going, but he payed very close attention to the General's words.

"I'm glad to inform you that the penalty that was established on your behalf has been eradicated until further notice."

Hitsugaya frowned looking up at the General Captain. He though he may have heard him wrong, because he certainly didn't understood what he was intending to say.

"...What?" he questioned him.

"I am sorry if you haven't understood me yet. I will be direct and clear, but pay close attention, I will not repeat my self again. Captain Hitsugaya... You are no longer under retention. You will now be allowed to return to the World of the Living once again. That is all."

**End of chapter 5! I hope you liked it! Let me know what you think about it. Your lovely comments really help me in my writing. Next chapter's going to be a good one! See ya' next time!**


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